Self-Forgiveness: How to Be Kind to Yourself

Have you ever regretted doing something and felt guilty about it? Do you beat yourself up over things that went wrong? Do you feel bad about yourself when you make mistakes? When was the last time you forgave yourself for something you thought you did wrong?

Feeling guilty and blaming yourself for things gone wrong are the biggest barriers that prevent you from loving yourself. The problem is that when you do not forgive yourself, you will feel stuck in the guilt and will not be able to move on with your life. The good news is that you can take steps right now to forgive yourself and learn to love yourself again.  Here’s how:

1. Accept Yourself

Remember that you are human, and no human is perfect. Accept your flaws and focus on your strengths. Do not compare yourself to anyone else. Be compassionate with yourself, love yourself for who you are and what you do. Remember that you are doing your best and that is good enough.

2. Let Go of Guilt

Too often we feel responsible for things that are beyond our control, and we carry the guilt with us for a long time. During these times, I remind myself of the serenity prayer: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference”. If your guilt is stemming from something you can change, then take the necessary steps to make the change. However, if it is because of something that you cannot change, for example the past, or external factors, then accept that you cannot change what happened, and make a conscious decision to move on from that guilt.

3. Talk it Out

Forgiving yourself is harder than forgiving someone else. This is why it helps to talk to a close friend, family member or a counsellor. Remember that you are an emotional human being and you need to let out your emotions with someone you trust. The person you talk to will help you get through your guilt and remind you that you are an awesome person who deserves compassion and forgiveness. Think about what you would say to your loved one who is finding it hard to forgive themselves. I am sure you would make them feel good and lovable.

4. Learn From Mistakes

Let’s face it, everyone makes mistakes because no one is perfect. However, when we make a mistake, we beat ourselves up and let it take over our lives. If not addressed immediately, it can lead to low self-esteem, shame, embarrassment or even depression. To prevent this from happening, acknowledge your mistake and talk it out loud. By talking it out, you may realize that the mistake is not as large as you thought it to be, and you may even find a way of rectifying it. If there is no way to rectify it, think of what you learned from it. Give yourself credit for doing your best and learn how you can do it differently or better in future. Remind yourself of Thomas Edison, famous for never giving up in his search for the construction of the electric light bulb. He said, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

5. Do Something You Love

Sometimes to let things go, you need to distract yourself and focus on things that you love to do. You can do something as simple as taking a nap, enjoying your favourite food, reading, watching your favorite movie, listening to music, enjoying nature, or anything that makes you feel good about yourself. Doing what you love puts you at ease, clears your mind of negativity and helps you get back on track with your life.

6. Get Physically Active

Exercise promotes mental clarity, provides a sense of accomplishment and improves self-confidence. It also releases endorphins, often called the “feel-good” hormones, because they help the body cope with pain and stress. Exercise does not have to be something extreme or intense. In fact, get creative and have some fun, for example dancing to your favourite music, jumping on a trampoline or playing hopscotch. You can also do simple physical activities like walking, jogging or playing your favorite outdoor game. Getting outside in nature, soaking up sunshine and breathing fresh air is therapeutic in itself and does wonders for your mind and body.

Self-forgiveness is not something you should be afraid to do. It is an act of compassion and when you take the time to forgive yourself, you are only being kind to the most important person: YOU! Forgiveness is not just for the person who did you wrong, it is for yourself as well. Don’t live with regret, it is never too late to start making your life better and start loving yourself.

Are you living with guilt? Are you finding it hard to forgive yourself? What steps will you take today to love yourself? How have you forgiven yourself in the past? Share in the comments below and let it out. You will be one step closer to forgiving yourself.